In 2020 I started this Newsletter to help me deal with the hurts and disappointments I had.
Before the Brain Injury I did not regularly express my feelings. Instead, I kept them to myself and very rarely shared them or even acknowledged their existence. I made certain that I had no time to feel anything because I had so many plans and doings which kept me too busy.
I kept myself very busy and completely owned the ‘over-achiever’ status.
This Newsletter was started to help me release and heal all those repressed feelings so I could move freely forward.
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This year marks 10 years since I had the Arteriovenous Malformation (AVM) (the Brain Injury). The decade where March 2023 represents 10 years from that beginning of that scary time, the ICU, those touch and go months, having to relearn to eat, walk, talk, bathe, self-groom, money and living stresses, to this time of my life right now.
I simply want to leave it all in this soon-to-end-decade of my life.
Going forward, I want the continuing decades of my life (note well) to be of a different, brighter, healthier, and happier theme.
Similar to the years when I was a baby and did baby stuff, I want to leave the Brain Injury Experiences as an experience that once happened in my past. Yes, I may talk about it, but want to look back at it ‘as the time when I once had a wild roller-coaster ride’.
Taking the connections I made, the lessons I learnt, whatever else I need, and extremely gratefully leaving all the rest.
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The Hidden Gem’s Ladder
As dark as the situation was with his girlfriend, my cousin, The Hidden Gem and my honorary fraternal twin, made sure to symbolically hand me a ladder before he died. A ladder to help myself climb up.
When I watch J.R.R. Tolkien’s directed movie by Peter Jackson, ‘The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring’ where Frodo puts his hand into the water to get hold of an unable-to-swim Sam. And then Sam solidly grabs hold of that extended hand.
That grab of the hand, that hold, that connection of someone saving you and pulling you up from the water and to breathing air – that was exactly what The Hidden Gem had done for me in his own way.
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My Father had been helping me with my rent, as I worked hard to pay my other bills. Too hard. I was having a difficult time trying to be self-sufficient.
I was no longer able to be self-sufficient and would only then, admit that a lot of my money-earning skills were not coming back and that I was indeed struggling.
It took me a very long time to admit it and surrender the fight.
It took many years to finally admit that it was time to exit on stage left.
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In a conversation with my Boss (Our Fearless Leader), who seemed to understand my dilemma about leaving, she said to me,
“You should go, your Father needs you.”
That alert from her seemed to diminish the original thought of my shaky financial state and put more solid reasoning to me moving in with my Father.
In a weird way, we both needed to be together for a fresh start.
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In preparation to move, Wonder Woman sent me to get all my wrapping-up done. MRI, Neurosurgeon, and ENT visits. As well as seeing my much-loved Primary Care Doctor and Nurse.
Good-byes to Wonder Woman, The Italian Angel, my job, my Boss, my Co-Workers, The Dolphin, The Hummingbird, Beam Me Up, The Rock, My Tribe, My Art Teacher, Sunshine, many friends and all my family there.
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I moved with my Father to another state and to a different, calmer and slower life. It hurt to leave my family and friends from the area. I love them. They helped me so much. They really put me back together, all nice and new.
WOW!
I got so much love. So much. I got great wishes, loads of hope and flying carpets of ‘you are okay’, ‘you can do it’, ‘all is well,’ ‘we will miss you’, ‘we love you’.
I cried.
The comforting cushion was so great.
Thank You to all of You Great Human Beings!
So great you all are. Thank You Very Much!
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In the last 3 years of this healing decade, many changes happened in my life and much knowledge was imparted to me. My life direction drastically changed, as did parts of my personality and most of the things I valued.
Trajectory changes began when Beam Me Up and The Rock, dropped me off at the library where I would go every week for 2 hours.
I started out teaching myself things to open my knowledge of art and the basics of photography, but then came across 2 books which cemented more interests and pulled me onto additional discoveries and learnings.
The first book showed me ways to repurpose items. The second book introduced me to the world of textiles. Fabric design, use, texture, meaning, everything. I was in love again. I was salivating and owned a hunger to absorb more.
Brightness = Aliveness=More Hope